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Through the Fire: COVID Round 2- It's not what you'd expect...

I'm coming out of COVID for the second time. And it was the most beautiful fire of transformation, as was the first experience. I have a very different perception of this virus than many. I honor everyone's perspective, grieve the collective and personal losses, and how we have each arrived in our respective "here".

In the wake of a lot of heavy energy, I'm really excited to share something different. As I leave the fire, having burned away massive stories, karmic energy (mine and collective), I am entering the healing, purifying waters being born yet AGAIN.

It started with a big energetic and emotional activation days before the last epic Full Moon, in the presence of the very Masculine energy that throttled me into complete new awareness just months ago. For the second time now, I've been made aware of myself through energy, emotion, my womb FIRST. My mind has been the LAST thing to come to the table for processing and 'knowing'. And this beautiful upgrade would only come in the presence of empowered feminine, healing, nurturing Kaitlyn, fully surrendered. This reversal of how I come into knowing has been really fucking confusing, a little scary, and exciting to lean into.

As I sat purging what isn't mine to carry anymore, this came through:

"I've been reaching for you, from my wounded human space. Tonight, I'm reminded I've been reaching for Spirit through you. And I am already with you. I am already YOU. Can I embody this knowing beyond hearing the words echoing in my mind on repeat? Can I feel you, can I feel that we are not separate in every layer of me? Can I touch you and be held by you from within? If I allow, surrender, trust... YES. FUCK YES.

This human experience is a beautiful opportunity for this soul, this piece-but not piece- of Source to taste the beauty of lonely, returning to the wisdom that I am never alone... WE are all-being. I can choose either, anytime I want.

I get to taste fear, to ask it to show me magic, run into its arms, into the darkness, because it's all an illusion that re-members me back to wholeness...human ME in Divine Union with Spirit.

How do I be this in my heart? I stop thinking, trying, doing, and even being.

My Beloved will come and soothe and excite my human body. Until then, I re-member home within. I practice manifesting it without through my dharma. I release more and more and more, rewriting stories, healing samskaras. Union I am.

I live everything, even beyond the choosing. It all comes to me, through me. I surrendered a long time ago. To everything. These paths, polarities, bodies, collectives...because I've always known.

My human body alone cannot hold this, and yet the soul it carries CAN. Anomaly.

Drop down, embody the wisdom. I've expanded yet again. Where I once would've judged or boundaried I now have more room for. I can burn away the woman who is triggered by the next layer of what is, and the woman who cries out looking for solidarity in victimhood. I can burn away the woman seeking Him and projecting desire onto him. Thank you to that woman leading the quest to find love outside of me, finding only pressure so great I found myself back within. I find the loving home there, deeper with each tear, each pause, pain, laugh-all of it. I honor you with a heart full of gratitude.

Every single thing I see, smell, feel, hear taste in every moment-all perfect synchronicity. All omens, just for me. Nothing is extra, accidental, or lacking.

This virus is the medicine. My medicine on behalf of the collective. It does not mean I am weak, less Spiritual because I am susceptible to it. I simply signed up for this path of Tapas, Agni, Fire, Detoxifying. This is my vehicle to see clearly what is ready to be burned away. Thank you so much for this beautiful gift.

I do not need to craft, orchestrate, create a truth. I just get to be the truth that already is.

My EGO's desires have frequently been met with ease and abundance, and almost always chaotic and irresponsible. And it has all been perfect. I am learning to call with my heart, from integrity. I am learning to not project my desires on other people. This is how I connect to all things- my Beloved, money, family, the people I witness in their healing. A sturdy foundation of love, respect, patience, and sovereignty of each individual in the WE. A safe place to be present with desire AND fear-supported and loved so that I can be that and WE can be that."

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