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The Rainbow Tent

I fucking hate women’s circles. At least that’s how I felt up until a few months ago. I’ve participated in so many where it’s a lot of messy, irresponsible energy. I’ve been to some that were absolutely beautiful, and deeply healing for every single soul in attendance, including me. I’ve been to some that were structured, and some that were complete free-flow. The common thing that frustrated me each and every time: the lack of men, and the lack of inclusion of humans that identify beyond man/woman. My soul is craving deeper understanding of what is out in the world, beyond constraints and labels. I am craving deeper balance, healing, knowing inside myself. I’m craving more than a women’s circle.

I’ve always known I’m hella masculine. I wore mostly boys clothes in 2nd grade. I was determined to find a way to pee standing up without making a gigantic mess. I’ve always been very assertive and bold. My energy screams when I enter a room. I’ve definitely always had penis envy, and still enjoy with the idea of a penis being attached to my own body. I love to be dirty. I am strong. I have a beautiful, giant frame with shoulders built for carrying some weight. I have a whole moustache and beard that I’ve finally quit violently removing from existence and embraced-in fact, I have more hair on my body than so many men I know. I hold space well and create safety for others to be, to feel, to express in so many ways. I lead. People move out of my way when I’m walking through a crowd. And I have led a toxic masculine existence for most of my life. Blaming others, being abrasive when it’s unnecessary, doing ALL THE TIME to prove my worth in the patriarchy. Achieving, rationalizing, and minimizing the magical narratives that bring meaning to so many beautiful souls’ existences. I have always related to men easier than women and I found so much more comfort in masculine energy. And yet…I am woman. I identify as woman (now very proudly) and it’s taken some WORK to even acknowledge I AM FEMININE.

In the last few years, I’ve had the honor of stepping into my feminine, finally. I fell in love with this body. This beautiful hourglass figure. Hips to hold deep emotional intelligence, healing, and space for creation. Every dimple in this ass, these beautiful soft hands, legs for days. I am sexy, sensual, and a force. I rage with the yearning for change

, for healing in our collective. It is SHE that brought me into this business, this work of true healing. The medicine on my heart was called forth by Her. I am soft. This is my power. Expanding, holding, receiving, and maintaining the ability to have an open heart, and a soft energy in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. It has taken enormous help from my energy healing family, those that walked before me. It has also taken those that bring pain into my awareness through any means necessary to lift the veil of illusion, to dust off the conditioning that has stripped me of my power, my wisdom. The places yearning for healing. And in this, my feminine has begun her healing journey. But what about that masculine?

On the journey of waking up the goddess, I realized my toxic masculine had Her feeling so unsafe that once free, she immediately put him in a timeout. With A LOT of help, I have worked on letting go of what it has taken Him to survive and invited Him to bring safety, structure, action, and authority all in SERVICE to Her. On this journey I have slowed WAY the fuck down, softened, and learned how to hold my beautiful vision from a seat of unconditional love of me, my “Why”, and my medicine… and from a space of fluidity. I’ve learned to let go of DO DO DO, I take on work that resonates, and I say “No” when it doesn’t fill me. I’ve also learned that I cannot have masculine without feminine. And vice versa. Even a pregnant woman thought to be feminine energy of nurturing and creating is a masculine undertaking of extreme physical fortitude, protection and safety. It is authority/sovereignty of two bodies and souls. In the strength and support of masculine energy and action lies the healing and gentle nature of feminine energy. It is all one, like all things. So why the fuck are we still separating women and men, gender conditioning, and even masculine/feminine energy when we each embody ALL? Why does the dynamic have to radically shift if I want to sit a men’s circle, even when I’m welcome?

Because this is where we are at as a collective. We still have penises and vaginas and lots of wounding and trauma of all kinds in masculine, feminine, binary, non-binary arenas. And a lot of us need that safe space. And who I am to shame what works even for me? Especially now that I feel aligned in a beautiful women’s circle. And yet… Mama’s hungry for something…

And so, the birth of the Rainbow Tent is in process. I am holding a vision of all energy coming together in one circle to be held, to hold. To express. To witness. To ask and receive, to offer and give. To bring any identity that is within and without either every day or transiently in a moment. I welcome mess, healing, beginners, gurus. I see a safe place for every single person to show up in any space they are occupying just to be. I also offer a space where we need not understand, empathize, or feel compelled to offer healing. Just witness and allow the circle to be what it needs to be. Men, women, and everything that has transcended these labels. I offer a place to dance and play in ALL that we each hold inside. The hologram of human existence. To move within, between, and BEYOND masculine and feminine, women and men. And to embrace the lessons, the perfect steps that unlock pain and pleasure to help myself and others grow. I am excited to fuck it up because I CANNOT fuck it up. It is all perfectly placed on the path for the collective level-up I am here to usher in. By holding myself, others, and allowing myself to be held. Welcome to the Rainbow Tent, I can’t wait for the Unicorn magic to unfold.

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